Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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