All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
