It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
