no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
