she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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