She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
