i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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