Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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