In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
