my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
