The maid of honor just puked.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
