It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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