I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
