If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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