dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
