What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize