Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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