Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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