brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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