Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
