my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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