Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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