i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
