I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize