ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
