I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
