a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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