We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
