That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
