A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
