It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just gargled with NyQuil
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
