Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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