I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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