Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Soap is not a condiment
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
