I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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