i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
