When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Never underestimate the power of titties
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