I'm drive I can fine osifer
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
