Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
