I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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