Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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