well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
