Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
