This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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