The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
