Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
