You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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