i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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