I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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