Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
