loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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