Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize