I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
