saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
