Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
