ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
