I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
