i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
