So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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