Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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