dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
