Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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