is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
please come you make the beer taste better
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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