if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I could fuck to npr.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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