Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
