She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
