Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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