The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
