Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
