I wish my penis had an off switch
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You are a genius and a whore.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize