I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
