i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
