I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
