Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
