im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
