We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I enjoy the company of your penis
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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