he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
