How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
